Dear Chris,
No matter what you do you will have to personally present me with a release to obtain my signature. Releases planted underneath my pillow, inside of my shoes, in my jacket pocket, and other clever places including in my drawers and taped to my bedroom door will not be signed and promptly shredded. Most importantly, obtaining my signature while sleeping, as was attempted last night by your able cinematographer whose braces inflicted flesh wound seems to be mending well, will not happen (see picture below).
Your behavior is committing homicide against trees, an offense sadly not punishable by anyone besides Vice President Al Gore.
Let's save some trees knowing that I will consider signing when you come down to Colombia and we meet again, akin to Berlin, face to face over a Something Special.
Until then, I remain,
Nicholas Shumaker
