When I'm not in the office, which, aside from scouting, is the rarified moment, I am in the Mall. I really don't have the lay of the land in Bogota, and, admittedly, I never thought Malls were all the rage, despite the extreme fun propagated in Mallrats, but I've spent a fair amount of times in Malls since I got to Colombia. First up was a few weeks back in Baranquilla where I ate MacDonalds. Then I bought a thirty dollar Nokia phone and a four dollar wallet at a different one in Bogota. I've pictured each below because, like a father, of my new children I'm proud.
Claudia, who I've mentioned but not formally introduced, is our production coordinator, and it was with grace and precision that she facilitated my new found love for the Malls. She escorted me to the best stores where I pondered purchases of belts, wallets, jousts at pinball and air hockey, and Eurotrash sunglasses and revealing swim trunks (that Jack previously bought) that would provoke my dear mother to disinherit me. Best of all she led me to a fast food eatery whose offerings exceeded my favorite MacDonalds meal in both taste and thrift. Here she is, kind reader. Under her watchful eye I pitifully navigate this foreign land.
From there the day turned sour. I attempted to sneak onto a Colombian talk show called Extra but was promptly escorted out. The show shared the same stage as the Colombian version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. Despite my vocation as an independent film producer, my aspirations covertly align with that show's ethos, yet I aborted invasion onto it. Instead, all I earned was this lousy picture before the suits forcibly relocated me to the street's curb.
From there I made a last ditch pitch to convince my actress friend Nora to join us on this culturally enriching adventure. Beg and plead as I did, she refused, for the seventeenth occasion, so the only option I can muster is breaking into tears on a video conference call. Nora. If you're reading, consider this an amazing non-Razzie opportunity! Regardless of her decision, I will always adore her and a special place will always be vacant in my heart for her likes.
Back at my apartment, just got off the phone with Turner and, from the marbles swimming in his mouth, our radically talented (and patient) casting director Susan Paley Abramson and I could only conclude that he was perfecting his Stephen Hawking impression for All Hallows Eve.
I can only imagine what that cruise ship did to my poor business partner.
